420theatricalroses:

Honestly though, and I don’t intend this to be discoursy but I know someone is gonna go there but anyway

It is the most respectful thing you can possibly do, if you are attracted to someone, and they come out or you find out they are not the gender that you thought, and you are still attracted to them, it is a huge thing to then change how you identify to reflect that.

Cus like, honestly, most cis people will not do that. Ever. Most cis pople will but their comfort above our existence. I cannot count the amount of times someone has expressed their attraction to me in a way that has completely erased my identity, to the point where I actively avoid IRL queer spaces so I don’t have to deal with lesbians going “oh but you are basically a butch lesbian tho so it’s ok” (not to say that lesbians are more guilty of this, that’s just who I get it from most, being afab and masc-presenting). 

Surprisingly, it’s mostly been straight men that have been most willing to change how they identify to accommodate my gender (I don’t know if this would be true of the wider population, but it does make all these posts I see discoursers making all the more hilarious). It has been previously straight men who have said “Oh! Well I still like you, so that makes me bi? or pan?”. 

And honestly, that is such a fucking huge and validating thing, when all I hear from anyone else is “I will ignore how you identify yet still try to fuck you” or “ew a trans gross”. To hear “I respect your identity and I am willing to do anything, including publicly giving up my position of privilege and taking on a label that may well lose me friends and family if it means you feel respected and acknowledged as a non-binary person”. 

Like holy fucking shit, how can you look at that and call that transphobia?